the consummate host

©2014 by Deborah Moss

“...small touches are really an indication of care and intention and that’s what resonates for our guests.“

Susan, you are such a warm and generous hostess both at your home and also at your harmony hotel in costa rica. thank you for sharing your thoughts and your expertise is invaluable as the holiday season gets into full swing.

red flower: is there a favorite time of year to gather friends and family? how does the season influence where, how and who you host?

  Susan: We love gathering friends and family together all year round.  The season and the location change the style of entertaining, of course: Wherever we are we mainly go for smaller gatherings that give us quality time with a smaller group, though a couple of times a year we love to gather a larger crowd so that we can touch base with more friends, introduce people who don’t usually run in the same crowd, etc.  The main differences between entertaining in New York and in Costa Rica are the time frame and the level of casualness.  In Costa Rica one can get a real, long hang out with friends that will include not only a swim and dinner but may even include quiet time of people just being in the same space and doing their own thing: reading, noodling on the guitar or snoozing in the hammock.  I love the sandy feet laid backness of that place, yet dressing up and having a formal dinner in the dining room in New York can be fun too…     

what is the ideal day of the week, time of night and number of quests for a stimulating dinner party? how many courses do you typically serve?

  In New York, we usually host dinner parties on Friday nights. The city can be a nightmare on Friday nights, especially for those of us who are not so great about long-term planning!  And now that we have young kids we like not needing to get up and hustle them off to school the morning after!   For the time of life, we are in, seven is a respectable time for dinner (our family eats at 5:30 so on adult nights it’s hard to go way off that time frame!) We usually serve three courses:  soup or salad, main event and dessert.   In Costa Rica, the day of the week is less important. Often you lose track of what day of the week it is anyway. If anything, we prefer not to have a late-night on Saturdays because there are usually fewer people in the lineup at dawn patrol on Sunday morning.  … So we take advantage of the party casualty phenomena for a soul session opportunity.  

do you have a go-to specialty dessert? drink?

  This is John’s department and it is site-specific.  In New York, we drink wine and bourbon, though at our last party the featured drink was a Moscow Mule (with gin) and it was delicious! In the summer we traditionally honor his family’s Bermudian roots by always having the ingredients for a Dark and Stormy on hand.  In Costa Rica, we are so active that I usually stick to a refreshing beer cocktail or sangria, and for John, a good quality Rum with tonic is so light that it also feels right.  

the owner-as-host is a rare breed in these times of corporate hotels, any hoteliers you have taken great advice from? books?

  John and I feel grateful to Andre Balazs, Eric Goode and Sean MacPherson for their encouragement and generous insights: Don’t market.  Let our friends’ word of mouth take care of it. Following that advice was a slower ramp-up but it has allowed us to develop an amazing guest community.   Also, John’s parents, Cecilia and Seward Johnson have been our greatest mentors (all by example). They are constantly hosting such interesting guests and know how to do it right.  Their best skill is finding a balance between quality time with their visitors and giving everyone room to do their own thing.  

do people notice the small personal touches? what do you feel like matters most?

  Guests remark on the small touches all the time. But those small touches are really an indication of care and intention and that’s what is resonating for them.  There’s an integrity that emerges when things are done with care and the right intentions where you realize that all of these elements – little things and big things are connected to each other.   When we asked Yael to design products to use for our amenities at The Harmony she researched local ingredients.  It was very important to all of us that the scent be of this unique place. Why message Tahiti or Hawaii when you are in fact in Costa Rica, in the rare but beautiful Dry Tropical Forest? … I wish we could actually make the product on-site – that is the kind of level of practice we strive for – but it’s not possible to do it correctly.  Still, in the design of the product, Yael consulted with our permaculture expert and made sure that products act as biocompatible, ph balanced nutrients for the plant life surrounding the outdoor showers. These plants in turn are native species that feed the local wildlife and provide shelter.  All the details involved in this pursuit of an integrated beauty is not readily known to every guest that stays at the hotel, but most people sense this level of care and it is deeply satisfying.  The thing about care is that you can’t fake it.  Either you care or you don’t.

how would you describe the costa Rican approach to hospitality? has that influenced service and welcoming at the harmony? how about how you host here in new york?

  The people in Costa Rica are very warm and genuine, but there is also a tremendous sense of decorum and graciousness that borders on Japanese.  Its one of the things that separates Costa Rica from many other Latin countries.  So while life in a beach town like Nosara is certainly casual, there’s an opportunity to meet the Costa Rican expectation of hosting with style and dignity even at its most casual.      

you grew up in the south - in a big family, do you see big differences with how hosting a gathering happens here? your father is/was a minister was your home always full of people? anything you can share on how your mother managed hosting all the time?

  In my childhood we lived in a rural part of central Florida.  It was mostly orange groves and cattle driving the local economy, though corn and strawberries were significant crops too.  Some of my best memories were the church gatherings, such as corn boils.  A fire would be built under a huge vat and whole crates of corn would be boiled at once. Giant tongs would be used to pull the crate out and a guy with thick, long rubber gloves would peel back the leaves, wrap a paper towel around the base, dip it in a pot of melted butter and hand you the ear of corn.  Yum. It doesn’t get much fresher than that. The rest of the meal would be a barbeque and the sides were all potluck.  Usually somebody brought an ice cream churn and part of the fun for us kids was taking a turn cranking it. ….It seemed to take forever! But it was so worth it!   My Mom was not a great chef but she was good at planning ahead, delegating and creating a warm, welcoming and beautiful environment.  Like her, I try to be aware of people who have a skill they love to practice while I am planning.  When my brother-in-law visits we always plan in a meal with the smoker or barbeque, since that is his specialty and he loves to be involved.  Cousin Tony make a mean rum runner and we reserve a section of the counter for him to do his thing at our house in Costa Rica.  Wherever we are we always have lots of instruments lying around and we even had a small stage built at our home in Brooklyn. We try to create an environment for people to relax and to entertain each other, whether through music or great conversation.  

i am sure you need to recoup from all the energy and effort you put into caring for people all year round? how have you been memorably hosted?

  Yes!  We attended our friend Matthew Barzun’s 40th birthday party weekend in Stockholm while he was the ambassador to Sweden.  His wife Brooke humbles me, along with the rest of her incredibly gracious family.  It was an incredible mix from the most formal black tie dinners to arty cocktail parties, every location was carefully selected for a different, insightful experience, dining partners were thoughtfully paired and most impressively, if felt so effortless.  I felt lucky to be included and I feel proud that they are now conducting the ambassadorship to Great Britain.  They were well chosen to represent our country!  

i know that you are deeply committed to the environment. any tips for making hosting more environmentally sustainable?

  I find focusing on local, seasonal foods to be meaningful.  This is easier to do where one has “roots”, so to speak, as sourcing local foods is often one of the bigger challenges.  I am not a perfectionist about it, but consistently striving in that direction has been rewarding in both how it’s affected our relationship to the places where we live or spend significant time and to the creativity of the menu.  

playing host at the holidays can be especially draining, how do you make it easier on yourself - any secret relaxation and wellness tips to share?

  I have learned (the hard way) to block out downtime on the calendar. The thing that feeds my soul the most is puttering around the house.  Last night we filled the bathtub with warm water, lit a delicious candle and plugged in the iPod speaker. The kids took long baths while John and I hung out and chatted, stretched next to the tub, and gave them “spa treatments”. Treating them to that kind of loving attention is as good as receiving it me. Still, once I got them in their pj’s, it was my turn!  I was in that steamy bathroom for almost two hours all-told.  It was the best! I am a new woman!  

i have to ask - any guests you would love to host?

  Yes!  Yael Alkalay.  Could you please put her and her family on a plane and send them to Nosara, Costa Rica? Immediately?     

how do you incorporate scent into hosting?

  I recently co-hosted a baby shower for a friend.  I was planning it with her sister who had the idea of a wisdom session where everyone would take a moment to share a blessing or a short story about family, womanhood, or growing up.  I could tell that would be really touching so as a gift to all who attended we gave the petal-topped flower candles from Red Flower, which is such an intense nugget of delicious aroma.  The idea was that we would all light the candle when we first heard that Robyn had gone into labor or the baby had been born as a way of honoring the momentous change in her life.  I imagined all her friends working at their desks or going about their evening routines at home with their candle burning bright, and though we were scattered about the city and beyond, we were all sharing this experience that reminded us something sacred had happened.  

do people usually follow up with a thank you card?

  I’d say that about half do and I never hold it against those who don’t. I have to admit that writing thank you notes in a timely fashion is not my strong suit either.  It’s one of the things I most want to change about myself because it feels so good to get a thoughtful note.  

on the subject of gift-giving, what is your thought process around gift-giving? how do you prepare?

  I was always a panicked gift giver, but my dear friend Deborah Moss gave me a tip that has been life-changing:  People always need to be nurtured.  So I think about things that give warmth, nourishment, comfort and inspiration.  No matter what a person’s life circumstances, gifts that nurture are always appreciated.  

are you always searching for the perfect gift for loved ones? or is it just around a specific time of year?

  I don’t love to shop – so I can’t count on just wandering around and having the right thing pop up as the holidays, birthdays and special occasions roll around.  When I find something I think is great I will often get multiples to have on hand.